Hello my Writing Warriors!
I’m happy to say that I am back on the scene after having a wonderful Christmas Vacation in Virginia visiting my Mom and Step Dad. I feel rested, relaxed and focused. Hooray!
The weather is relatively cold here in the Sunshine State and this has put me in a reflective mood and since this will be my second to last blog post of 2017 and this one will be a long one because I’ve been quiet over the holiday season, but it is time to tackle a very important topic – how to be in a long term, lasting, loving relationship with a writer.
All right. First things first. As writing warriors we are sworn to a higher duty and most of us find ourselves married to the muse before we even come of age and are even able to be in a relationship with another person. The muse, the muse, the goddamn fucking muse. That bitch never shuts up, never stops talking, never quits badgering us. You see, as writers, we are open for business 24/7 – 365 days a year, especially if we have done the work on ourselves. If we have done the work then the flood gates open, and the muse, sometimes a bunch of muses, show up and demand that they be heard. As a result the poor significant other of the writer feels left out and abandoned. That’s on the positive side. The flip side of the coin and an even worse place to find yourself in is to be with a blocked writer. If you are with a blocked writer then you’d better watch your back Jack, because being with a blocked writer is a sorry state of affairs to be in.
A blocked writer is usually an angry, withdrawn, neurotic wreck and self medicating their ass off with their poison of choice: alcohol, drugs, extreme sports, shark diving, etc. You want to suffer? Sign up for a tour of duty with a blocked writer. I guarantee you pain and misery.
So what is the answer? If you are the significant other of the writer, how do you stay sane and thrive? How do you love someone who is devoted to their art, because essentially you are in a relationship (a damn three way) with the writer and their muse.
Understand this.
For a professional writer, the work is very, very, very important. Our writing time is sacred to us. Essentially, we are on a mission. Leaving behind a body of work and making our mark on the Universe is the goal that all writers strive for. Immortality can be ours for the taking if we are only good enough and since the stakes have only gotten higher for writers with the advent of new technology, our work can essentially be preserved forever in the electronic ether of the Internet and in this wonderful new era we can publish, find an audience, leave a legacy, change the world and work every day until we shuffle off this mortal coil. It’s a great time to be a writer. The damn gatekeepers and petty bureaucrats are going bye bye and good fucking riddance to them… Oh well, I digress.
How do I describe being a writer to someone who is not one? Well, I will try since you must always seek first to understand if you are to have any hope of creating happiness in a relationship with your beloved writer.
To be a writer is to be in love with the unseen, the unknown, the invisible. Writers deal with the eternal void, venture into nothing and bring back gifts and healing for the tribe. All successful writers must go on a hero’s journey and cross the night sea of doubt and despair, facing dragons and all sorts of demons of the soul.
All successful writers must go where there is no path and to do this requires great courage, stamina, and belief in oneself. You must understand that a professional writer, a true writer, will be working until the day they die. Stephen King was in the hospital after almost being killed by some yahoo in a van and he started writing in long hand just two weeks after almost losing his life. That is a writer. That is what you are going to be dealing with. I personally believe that Mr. King would have killed himself through drugs or alcohol a long time ago if it wasn’t for the love of his dear wife Tabby who is also a writer and understands the journey.
So, in closing, I want to impress upon you the cold hard reality of being in a relationship with a writer. You must learn to share your writer with the muse. You must learn to not criticize your writer when they are distant or staring off into space. William Faulkner divorced his first wife because she couldn’t understand that his staring out the window was a form of thinking, a way of gathering ideas. You must learn to do so many things. Hey, at least you won’t be bored.
Now I’m not saying that you need to put with childish bullshit or be some shrinking violet that rolls over and accepts all heaps of abuse from the delicate writing genius. I’m not saying that at all. Someday in another JFW! I will write about what writers need to do to stay healthy and present in their relationships. I believe that you can have your art and your beloved. You can be happy. It is possible if you do the work.
Well, there you have it. This was a longer JFW! than I usually do but let’s face it, relationships are complex and tricky. They really are more art than science.
I would love to hear your thoughts. What do you think about this topic? Are you a writer? Are you in a relationship with a writer? Let me know in the comments!
Until Next Time my Writing Warriors!
TC
